Journey of a Broken Heart
in search of a Grail.
Why is it we are so obsessed with this thing
called love?
Just how did it get to be the most popular focus of attention? We learn
many things as we grow up as children. Probably the hardest thing we
learn
about is the withdrawal of love, as we grow older. When we are born the
glow of affection and sheer humility to the force of life is strong and
bright in our parents and those close to us. We rest blissfully in this
warmth as our bodies come to life. But it does not last. When we watch
children being born, we are literally awestruck by the very notion the
life we watched grow invisibly in the womb would really come out and
scream
the song of life. To have watched its progress to that point is
phenomenal,
when it comes to life it can feel like a truly divine moment. One of
the
rare moments we have the opportunity to live in full physical
realization
of the mysteries of the universe. Another moment is during the orgasm
of
making love to another human being. And yet another is when we feel the
realization of true love for another human being.
In these moments we seem to be lifted out of
ourselves
and into something so joyous and brilliant we have only one true word
to
describe it. Love. But, unfortunately this feeling becomes ever more
fleeting,
as we grow older. Like it is our nature to have our heart wither away
like
our flesh. And we miss it sorely. Why is this? Why can't we linger ever
longer in that feeling, spreading it around us until every where we go
we can feel it. Imagine living in a world where every single human
being
you met was sincerely happy to see you. The very thought brings tears
of
overwhelming joy to my eyes, and a swell in my heart, just at the
thought
that I could feel that way. And yet, I feel locked in my flesh,
constricted
by its limitations, the terms of the agreement of tenancy. Looking out
of a room I inhabit by myself. Shyly looking out the window of my eyes
at the world, afraid to make contact. Because, our contact has become
too
harsh. The streets of our cities full of people yet a lonely and cold
place.
We are not happy. It is time to realize that if any of us are unhappy
it
will lead to all of us becoming unhappy. The more we become unhappy,
the
further we move away from the light into darkness.
This temptation we feel is like a drug calling
us to give
in to it. It is like the gravity holding us to this world, closing in
on
us. The downward spiral of fear. Fear can be a horrific teacher. The
only
way to defeat fear is to face it. Left unattended, fear can grow to
have
a paralyzing effect upon us. When we have the tendency to push fear
aside,
out of our site, we give fear the room it needs to grow. We must
realize
any concept that creates conflict between any of us is evil. It is the
nature of evil to drive separation between us and drag us away into
illusion.
It is the nature of love to draw us into a more harmonious union.
Growing up in life we realize that events
occur in our
lives that cause the heart to close down. As we get older we realize
that
unless we are careful to keep our hearts open, this closing down affect
can be cumulative. We see and understand more about the life we see
around
us, than we typically let on to others around us, yet alone sometimes
ourselves.
We see pain, and it makes us afraid. We turn and try not to remember
it.
But we always do. Whenever we see abuse in any form, we notice because
we have a psychic connection with everyone else, called intuition. It
tells
us the person we see is feeling pain, or happiness, or even contempt.
We
know when someone is upset, and some of us feel this intimately. We are
sensitive to the dimension of emotion. Like an ocean, we swim in it
every
day and lose ourselves. Not certain why we feel the way we do. This is
the beginning emergence of clairvoyance in humanity. We are learning to
see love in a whole different light.
How important is love to us? We kill for it,
we would
die for it, we would go to the ends of the earth for it, we would get
down
on our knees for it, pray to an invisible god to let it fall down on
us.
It even drives an image-based economy. Because we believe image is the
representation of purity, and that beauty denotes goodness. Yet, we
know
that’s a lie. Initially we feel shame when we are afraid to love
someone,
who obviously loves us, because we equate love with image and we are
not
inspired by his or her looks. We truly look way different on the inside
than we do on the outside, and we know this. We can tell when we are
evil,
and when we are good. The problem is, for the sake of illusion, we
carry
on as if we don't notice. Just like we try to carry on like we don't
notice
the increased frequency of pain around us. That’s called denial.
The heart is truly the last vital organ within
humanity
still yet to complete its evolution. It strives to get us to look
within
and reorient our perspective of the universe. To get us to look beyond
image. When we embrace in love we naturally look beyond the flesh to
that
which is within. So we are already inclined to this path. It is the
nature
of evil to incite fear among us. In the face of rejection we shut down,
feeling emotionally overexposed. This is where we come face to face
with
the purpose of courage. Courage is the power to overcome fear.
Forbearance
is the power of our heart to forgive. If we realize that any form of
difference
we encounter, no matter where we encounter it, is evil. If we can
accept the fact that it is the evil within us, but it is not us. We can
choose to disassociate this evil from the one we love, and love them
despite
the evil within them that would drive us away. That evil is simply
fear.
In forbearance, love manifests as the capacity to forgive all affronts,
because in doing so the heart grows stronger and less fearful. Love is
the power to heal the heart. The crux of this lesson is the pain.
Pain is the door we fear most to open. Pain is
simply
the death of fear. Pain shows us exactly what we fear. Thus to face
fear,
we must face pain. Ever wonder what pain the Christ faced on the cross,
just look at your own fear and you will understand. Realize the pain he
walked through bore his spirit to such a height of love that the memory
of this moment has echoed through time within us, till this day and
well
beyond. Your fear is no different to you as his was to him. What is the
power we have to overcome? That power is choice. Every time we walk
through
the pain in resistance, we darken the path of our future. Every time we
walk through the pain in acceptance we grow.
It is not to say we should endure violent
situations,
as many of us are prone to do. Having a fear of jumping off a cliff is
a healthy fear. Fear is also the body's reaction to danger. There are
real
fears we should pay attention too. But if we learn to simply overcome
the
fear of love, all other fears will eventually fade away. The chemistry
of human interaction is wrapped up in the laws of karma. God cannot
intervene.
We must face the reaction of our actions. The notion of good karma
versus
bad karma. The challenge of the heart goes hand in hand with how you
deal
with your karma. You will have ample opportunities to confront
hostility.
To challenge hostility is to become hostile. If you do not seek
hostility,
usually it will not seek you, unless you had it coming. Embrace
humility,
and seek not to confront hostility when it comes and let it move past
you.
It usually seeks its own. As does love. You can only navigate your
karma
with humility. You cannot outsmart karma, without creating more karma.
Remember, hostility arises from fear, fear from pain, pain from a lack
of love. Some of us are pretty tortured individuals. We seek to promote
that torment onto others, thinking this will help us feel better. The
only
thing that will make us feel better is love.
To resist love is to resist our very nature.
Growing up,
depending on the path and the souls we have chosen to walk it with, we
experience the withdrawal of love. This is quietly traumatic to us. It
is the path of separation. The focus of love and adoration begins to
fade
somewhere around the two's. The path to adolescence sees us rising to
independence,
but the price for this independence is the withdrawal of love. Our
mothers
are usually the last ones to let us go. But we eventually let them go.
We reach a point where we seek to embody our love in other. We embark
on
a crusade to create a totally new love somewhere off in the mysterious
world. We enter into a game of spiritual hide and seek. Realizing
eventually
that the world is not always a nice place. Our innocence is sacrificed
on the altar of experience. Our offer of spiritual union is rejected.
We
learn our pursuit of other comes with risks. We have had our first
confrontation
with evil.
Quite simply, this is the nature of evil. In
another dimension,
where we are free of the illusion of the material world. The nature of
the harmony some of us exist in is called love. We have an instinctive
inspiration to seek the union. Evil drives separation between us and
the
union. When you look at the world at large. Humanity exists in varying
states of love, varying degrees of separation. As the child grows to
adolescence,
humanity has grown to adolescence. On a global sense we must strive to
find other in love. We must brave the fear of the unknown, and embrace
in global unity. The more we give in to violence and fear, the more
damage
is done to the union. Evil never stops trying to trick us away from the
union. It pulls and tugs us further away from each other. Until we no
longer
remember the union. In that state of heart, we are vulnerable to evil.
It promotes our fear of pain, driving us ever deeper away from the pain
of love. Driving us to commit horrors.
The frequency of pain increases as the field
of experience
expands. The first pain usually seems like the worst. But simply
because
in order to protect ourselves, we begin to develop our armor. We are
reluctant
to commit as deeply as we did the time before. But we do not give up.
We
regroup, realign our objective and try again. Ever trying to fine-tune
a formula for success. While we become ever more protective, ever more
hostile in our reaction to betrayal and rejection. In despair we
eventually
withdraw, our senses reeling. Not wanting to give in to a growing fear
within, that we will never again be submerged in the unity we came
from.
The notion of being isolated in the material world makes us feel naked
and vulnerable. Alone.
Evil thrives in our aloneness, casting fear
and doubt
wherever we look. Driving us into an ever-deepening sense of spiritual
loneliness. For any one of us to be alone in a room full of people, is
the work of evil. Until we as a culture and a civilization accept this
simple truth, evil will have its way with us. It is already the driving
force behind the hostility we see in the world. Ignored, it is wreaking
havoc with our souls. It is breaking our hearts. What type of world
will
we live in if we let evil break all of our hearts completely? I hope to
not be there.
The love within our hearts is the Holy Grail
we seek to
give us a draught of eternal life. The eternal life of love. We must
seek
it by facing our pain. We must strive to love in humility, because only
in that way can love be true. We must endeavor to spend time getting
used
to each other's shortcomings, and our karma, until we can all move
through
this together. This is forbearance. We must remember that a broken
heart
anywhere on the world, is a broken heart within the world, and we must
all face the karma of that soul. This isn't someone else's problem; it
is ours individually, and as a collective. This is a dilemma we face
within
ourselves. The light in our eyes must not fade with the sacrifice of
innocence.
We all see this. It is the reality of us, we need to start living in
it,
healing it, and loving it.
Dale G.Cox
12-22-2001
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