Heart to Heart                           3-20-1999
A look at the nature of relationships
By Dale Cox

I love you, I hate you. Words we hear often and often in that order. As if the total validation of our love is in the violence of our hate. What's that all about? Why do we live with such a high ideal of "forever love", only to have it fall into forever hate. You could call it manic, but we'd call it just the way things are, and with most human expression, we'd drop the subject right there. We have this overwhelming tendency to try to ignore the things we don't understand, rather than try to figure them out. Call it supposed arrogance, taking for granted that just because we feel ours may be the only valid perception, that our perception can get by unquestioned. But then later  we're depressed and suicidal, and completely baffled as to why. Because, still, we are often only looking at what we perceived, not how we expressed. Most of the time our perceptions are based on the sum of our past experiences. Our experiences get worse and we blame it on the world around us. Often thinking, but never wanting to believe it may be us. Eventually we get to that with the help of others, who feel the need to tell us what assholes we are and why. This is a good thing. Feedback is always a viable resource in the defining of our personal realities. Of course, it should be recognized that the truth hurts. So, if what someone is telling you hurts, they could be right. Growth is a healthy thing.

The big question we should eventually arrive at, through repeated exposure to this specific type of pain, is not " why can't anyone love me," its "what's wrong with the way I'm trying to love?" from my experience, most of us don't even recognize where we get our definition of love. We have this dream vision of coming together with a person. Having there be an audible click, at which point the real world melts away and we enter a dreamlike world, where we become innocent again. Gone, are all the horrors of our past. This new person accepts us unconditionally, everything we are is exactly what the other person wants, we no longer feel self conscious, we know longer fear rejection. We feel complete and whole in the notion we are accepted as what we are, faults, hang-ups, the whole kit and caboodle. Like an exact fit in the galactic puzzle, suddenly we belong. We are here. The rest of the world becomes an easier place to be, we are no longer alone. We feel that together, with this other person, we can do anything. For this feeling we'd be willing to die for this other person. So, then, why would we be equally willing to kill this other person, when their feelings change in relation to us?

Because we are ignorant of the spiritual reality that we are in. We are ignorant of the spiritual environment we are in. And because we choose to remain ignorant of our own responsibility in changing our own personal perspective, to evolve. We dream of a love ever lasting and true, one that will never waiver. It perplexes us as to why we cannot achieve and maintain this. And that's not to say some people don't, some do, but most of us don't. Even those of us who are in comfortable committed relationships have to admit that there are different levels of love. The honeymoon eventually ends and we drift into accepting compliance. In America we often view relationships, or partners, as commodities. Our mainstream media wields great influence on our choice of mate. Beauty and success, the basic animal functions of, a man to provide, and a woman to produce attractive babies. This, I think, is linked with our over obsession with materialism. Physical attractiveness is worth competing for. This is petty, we need to grow up.

Let's look at the facts. We are spiritual beings. A fact little recognized by modern day materialism. What can spirit do or us? We can build bridges, skyscrapers, send man to the moon and beyond. Funny, we can't seem to create peace and fellowship amongst all of the people on planet earth. We have the ability to destroy life as we know it, completely, for at least 400,000 years, and yet we can't find peace and brotherhood. This is the disease of materialism. Being in physical control of our environment and the other people in it. Thus we see partnerships as possession. A loved one is a possession, much like a TV. Someone takes our possession away, we get mad. We don't view our relationships as spiritual unity, because we are not spiritual beings. Thanks to the nineth Eucunimcal congress of 869, when the Catholic church banned the teaching of spirit. The Church has also condemned woman  to serve man, and man was made servant to country. Thus, we see  the definition of  love in our spiritual minds, but by not recognizing spirit, we seek it from our physical perspective, as a possession. The two obviously don't mix.

So, then, where does our spiritual perspective of what love is come from if we're not taught the nature of spirit? From Jesus Christ. He came to tell us that we are all accepted, we are all loved, and that the only sin is to worship materialism instead of spirit. But, today money has become our false god, we covet our neighbors wife, if she's more beautiful than ours, we covet his car if it is newer than ours. when Christ died for our sins of self rejection, he imbedded in the human consciousness the concept of universal love, the acceptance of god for everyone, no matter who they were or what they had done. We can't escape that truth, it is our karma for killing him. When we imagine our dream love, we are drawing from the memory of the concept of the unity of man, that Christ etched in our soul when he died for us. Wherever there are two of us gathered together with open hearts, there is created a state known as unity. When we cease to judge each other, and learn to accept each other for who we are, this unity is created. It is dynamic, it can spread if we let it. But we don't. Materialism has but walls and fences and ideas between this unity. Creating conflict in the rejection of our natural evolution. We were then taught to turn that conflict out into the world. By who you may ask.

Christ came to show us the way out of an environment where we are attacked by evil. Both from without and from within. There are spiritual entities that seek to destroy mankind. Externally via materialism, internally through fear, doubt, low self esteem, and vanity. We fear rejection because it sends us spiraling down into our own personal hell of  fear and doubt. Materialism is the means of our rejection. It separates us from the unity. By teaching us to value ourselves in a material way. Productivity, financial success, attractiveness. Thus, whenever we can achieve the unity, we cling to it like savage animals. Thus, when it is taken away we respond like savage animals, seeking to destroy that which rejected us. The thing we, only moments earlier, were in love with.

So, what is it going take for us to change? Certainly not a miracle of god. That's already been done. No, we are going to have to make an effort to change. We are going to have to come to the realization that every one of us is a special being. We all belong here. We are going to have to realize that as spiritual beings, we cannot own another being. each one of us was given a free will and a soul. we are not commodities. We are going to have to recognize that the concept of unity is not limited to our love relationships, it is available in all of our relationships. Even the non sexual ones. It is the unity of humanity that we aspire to, and in that environment the way we define our relationships will change. We will realize that each one of us has a rich experience to share, and when we can learn to open our hearts to more than one person, we will no longer have to fear rejection. Because we will learn that love comes from within. So imagine, if you will, that vision of the perfect person, an how they make you feel. Then imagine a whole society living that way, and the person you always imagined is you. This is the power of humanity. Alone we are still stronger than the evil that would pull us down, that is the power of our choice. United, that evil will shrink away from us like darkness fleeing the light. Divided we can only conquer ourselves. The choice is ours.